“You can’t always get what you want, but if you try, sometimes you might find, you get what you need.”

I’ve been feeling lately like I’m just running around too much. It’s a repeating theme in my life. I enjoy connecting with my family, I like to engage in my community, I’m curious and drawn to learning opportunities. In the end, I say Yes to too many things. It’s not that doing them is a problem, it’s that I don’t leave enough time to be home, to be quiet and nurture my spiritual connections.

There needs to be some kind of healthy balance. I am reminded of this every time I go over the edge of Too Much Running. My friend Amy sparked me into remembering how refreshing it is to take a few retreat days, to step back from the action and the noise to reconnect with my core. I began to think about creating a retreat.

And then…..I tested positive for Covid. I wasn’t even sick. I just had my usual fall allergy symptoms. But there is a lot of Covid in my area and I was wondering if I might have been exposed, so I finally checked. Bam. Instant quarantine. Instant retreat!

I’m really grateful for this surprise gift. It’s given me time for rest and self-reflection. And it made me wonder: Why do I keep running all the time when I know how wonderful it is to stop? 

The Library Man:  You know the answer to this, but you are avoiding it, like the virus testing that you put off. This is human nature, to avoid suffering whenever possible. It may be helpful to look at it not as suffering, but as wisdom gained. You can help yourself in the future by welcoming this wisdom.

Of course, “in the future” refers to many time-space continuums. That is what you are losing sight of when you behave as if there is no tomorrow, that everything needs to be accomplished today. You are forgetting that there is a tomorrow, whether you are in it or not. When tomorrow comes, you will not be in it if you have not learned to practice being in the present. Because you will always be racing ahead and trying to catch up, you will not be manifesting anything in the actual present. 

This is what you desire by going on “retreat,” to be in the present moment. To be present. This is all you need. When you are actually present, you will experience the Joy of Living, and your spirit will be well-fed and cared for. You will be lining up the molecules and energy that carry you into other time-space continuums, where you will also be well-fed and cared for. It is all connected, and where it comes together is in the present. 

Why do you keep running when you know this truth about the present? It is because you are afraid of knowing what you do not know––you are avoiding the Unknowing. You have been trained to believe that knowing is the safest way to function. Everyone in your culture is fighting over who knows the most or knows the best. As if it is some kind of battle of wits that will bring you security. Your security will come when you are able to let go of this and be in the present, for then you will know—know by feeling the vibration—that you are Home. 

Practice being Home. That is the gift of retreat, and you can have it any time you want, not just on special days that you set aside for it. Being in the present will bring you wholeness and vitality. It is so simple. But it requires that you give up this world that has been created by thinking. When you feel the vibration of the present in your body and your essence, then you will be connected to the All That Is. Since it contains everything, there is a lot of Space there. Space is what you need to feel. And Be. 

Go now, and practice this.