I was a little unnerved by the conversations between different parts of myself (see Ego-Spirit-True Self, part I). Different parts of me were being voiced, I actually “heard” them through meditation. Although I have heard many many Teachers over the years, this is the first time I have heard these different parts of myself speaking so clearly.
I feel a little fractured by this. Am I “cracking up”? Becoming mentally ill? Or is this just another way to disorganize my reality for more learning?
Universal Wisdom: We are interested in your development as a spiritual expression. It is not in our job description to decide what is “real”. That is a perceptive process that resides in the individual. You are the one who has to decide if this perspective is deranged or not. If you choose to think you are crazy, by cultural standards, then you will be. Another option is to know that you are traveling a different path than your surface culture. It is going to feel disconnected, because you are.
You’ve told me before: Don’t be afraid that something is wrong, accept that something is different.
What we do want you to know about this is that you have more ‘control’ than you think. The control, however, comes in the ability to let go.
But letting go––how does that serve me, or anyone, if I am stuck in these negative loops and unloading judgement on other people?
It doesn’t. It merely points out the places where you have disconnect with others. You decide how much you want to invest in that.
So I could think about it a different way, and see how these repetitive loops have brought me to the awareness of the varied voices in me. It is amazing to be able to identify different ones. My ego is a smaller voice that arises on my left side. It is smaller but persistent, until I choose to listen elsewhere. My True Self is at my core, extending above my body my body, stronger than my ego. I want to practice listening to True Self and make that a powerful loop, a more powerful loop than the injured ego.
[to be continued]