I’ve stepped out on a grand adventure. I signed up for women’s spirituality retreat in Peru. I haven’t been on any kind of big travel adventure for almost 20 years, since divorce and cancer wiped out my finances. And I’ve been nervous to travel alone after chemo gifted me with a brain injury. Even everyday activities require constant focus for me now, and being tired or over-stimulated leads to confusion. As the departure date for the retreat neared and I considered all the travel unknowns ahead of me, I started to panic. How could I possibly navigate all of that?

But unknowns are what create opportunity for inspiration and growth. That’s why we try new things. That’s why we travel––unfamiliar places stretch our psyches. Going on a spiritual retreat, especially, really requires that we give up control of both processes and outcomes. I needed to let go of my fear and allow myself to open up. I couldn’t do it all at once. I had to let go piece by piece. A helpful mantra for that is: “If you can’t let go, at least loosen your grip.”

My first step in letting go happened when I left the security of my home and community, with the awareness that I wouldn’t be back for almost 3 weeks. I drove 1 1/2 hours to the nearest airport, which is in Canada. As I crossed the international border I consciously let go of my country, my home soil. I don’t usually have to think about that because everywhere I go in my daily life I am a US citizen. But in one instant I became an alien, a foreigner in the outside world. I felt a tender connection to all immigrants, who have to leave everything behind forever.

When I flew out of Canada I mindfully let go of my geographic region in the midwest, and then North America. I took four different planes to reach my destination. With each new airport I was immersed more deeply in foreign cultures with fewer translation opportunities available, and I let go of the comfort of my first language, English. Looking out the window at the Caribbean, I realized that I was thousands of miles from home, alone, with no cell service. And I was moving forward, irreversibly, at 500 mph. To manage my fear I called on my Teachers to carry me into the complete unknown. There were times when I had no idea where to go or what was supposed to happen next. I continued to let go. I just entered the stream of energy and trusted it to carry me. I finally arrived at my destination 2 days later––48 hours of sitting in airports and on airplanes, standing in long lines, eating cheap airport food or no food, and sleeping 1-3 hours at a time. My brain was melted jello.

I’m at a little hotel in Cuzco, Peru, now. I’ve rested. I’ve adjusted, somewhat, to a 12,000 foot elevation. I’ve joined a group of 8 women and tomorrow we’ll take a bus to a smaller town in Sacred Valley for 6 days of community and reflection. After that I’m going to travel on my own for another 5 days to smaller towns deeper in the mountains. Each day, one more step in letting go, loosening my grip on whatever reality used to look like.

Eventually I will take the whole process backwards and end up at home, no doubt a changed person with a deeper connection to my inner path.
Stay tuned……